Three Ways to Stop Asking Yourself What to Do and Really Lead - Vivsco.com.ng

A major obstacle to meaningful leadership in our lives is doing what we think we “should” do. This “should” may be based on what our colleagues, neighbors, or family members are doing, or on what they have told us, directly or indirectly, that we should do, or even more implicitly, on our own beliefs. 

The media we see is often influenced by the word “should”: the average number of ads we see per day has increased dramatically, from 500 in the 1970s to 10,000 in the early 2000s, and it seems that there is no such thing as a “should.” Some ads tell us exactly what the advertiser thinks we should do. Others include stories created by experts that may not be visible but can be effective in influencing our decisions.

Think of the “family” image in advertisements for coffee, pasta sauce, or trucks, or the “professional” image in advertisements for laptops or broadband. I think the people, events, or values ​​portrayed in these advertisements are not consistent with the image we have of ourselves.

In The Blind Assassin, Margaret Atwood suggests: “It must be a useless statement that speaks of something that is not happening.

Value is a matter of size. We can create an idea of ​​what we should do in a group. Sometimes the group creates an idea of ​​what we should do; being part of and associated with a group, whether it is a community, a work or sports group, a religious group, a celebrity network, or something else, has many benefits.

But the weakness of this type of relationship is that we limit what we think is possible or desirable. In fact, “groupthink” is a well-known psychological phenomenon that allows groups to make great decisions in order to maintain harmony. We are willing to face the word “should” when it contradicts our deliberate actions, so it is important to recognize the group from which the word “should” comes.

Why do we fall into need?

Let’s see why these collective ideas about what to do have such a strong influence on our decisions. Hint: This is no accident!

The main purpose of an organization is to organize the behavior of a group of people, and organization is easier to maintain when there is no change or conflict in the system or direction. That is why organizations try to encourage, reward, and even require us to do things differently than we did yesterday or our colleagues did. You may know this as the “because that’s how we do it” syndrome. While organizations suffer from (or benefit from) varying degrees of this disease, even the newest and fastest-growing ones need to have some rules that govern the behavior of their members.

Megan Newhouse, who is a self-described “non-consultant,” recalls working with clients on a change process. As usual, they started with a basic process and observed the steps the team took on a particular project. One step seemed troubling, so Newhouse asked why it was done that way. The sales team fell silent, and one person said, “[A colleague] told us to do this.”

Before Newhouse could ask again, another member of the account team shouted, “[This former colleague] hasn’t worked here in five years!”

When you start looking for this “need,” it will be common. No wonder “shoulds” are so often useless. Try to identify and eliminate them as soon as possible.

The “should” type can be seen clearly in operational processes, such as sales targets, production expectations, or quality standards. But it also appears outside of work, when our phones tell us to walk more, when our colleagues force us to decide how much to spend at home, or when a volunteer committee asks us to bring a certain amount of money.

There are also clear but unspoken expectations that are instilled in us from childhood, such as “to work hard,” “to be strong,” and “to be generous.” These expectations not only limit how we invest our time, energy, and attention (often without realizing it), but they also limit the results of our efforts, which can lead us to over-commit. Our input and input.

Luxury fashion entrepreneur Vanessa Barboni Halik feels the pressure of these “shoulds”: “It’s hard because we’re still working together.

How to Stop Asking for What We Want

As with any problem, the first step is to realize that we need to do something about it. Just hearing the word “should” is a good start, although it can be harder than it seems. Try these four habits to stop yourself from being told to do what you want, or to let it stop you from living the life you want.

1. Replace “should” with “I think…”

This simple substitution technique is effective in exposing inappropriate “shoulds.” When we say we want to do something that is not in line with what we think about it, we are likely to feel uncomfortable. Of course, we may do things in our daily lives that we don’t enjoy, but they are still in line with what we want to achieve. I think this choice is not bad for these tasks. These things are in conflict with our own interests, desires, or values, and these conflicts are evident when we hear ourselves say, "I want..."

2. Surround yourself with colleagues and friends who share your values.

It is natural and inevitable to adopt the values ​​of those around us. So make important decisions about these. Spend time with people who share your desire to be healthier, be more creative in their lifestyle, be more mindful, or be more aware of their environment and business practices. Then, let their example be positive peer pressure, motivating you to work and live the way you want.

3. Another option.

Make your homework specific by setting quantitative and/or qualitative goals for the behaviors you want to do more of. Instead of saying, “I want to have a few drinks,” have only 5 drinks a week and stick to it. Instead of thinking, “I want to have a weekly meeting with everyone on my team,” mark a week on your calendar and plan to ask each individual report specifically every Monday what they would like to see supported. This week has been said to be the most productive. These purposeful and specific “needs” can be translated into a positive and meaningful investment of your time, attention, and energy that is consistent with the results you truly desire.

4. Recognize failure.

We need to be protected from the fear of failure. When we do what we “should,” we can’t blame ourselves if the results aren’t what we want. But in today’s world, the way we work and live is constantly changing at a rapid pace, making many of our “shoulds” obsolete. In many cases, doing what we learned years or even decades ago can be dangerous to our business, reputation, relationships, and/or well-being. 

So be aware that in today's environment, the best course of action is to try new things, knowing that they may fail, but at least you won't make the same mistakes again. After all, in the words of Rita Mae Brown, "Love is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" (no, not Einstein, you thought I was going to quote her).